MICHAEL ALLEN ALSPACH

is a fictition owned by the Being commonly referred to as:

Michael Allen Alspach,

Known to the Miami Nation of Indians (of the Anishinaabe) as the Being called "Rising Sun",

and to his friends as "Fivehead".

I charge $1,000,000 per hour for legal discussion, calculated in 15 minute intervals

To stop me in my pursuit of happiness is acceptance of these terms.

I charge $250,000 for use of any of my trademarks without permission.